At the start of this year, I came across something called the “Let Them” theory. At first, it sounded almost too simple — just “let them”? But the more I sat with it, the more I realised how powerful it could be. If people choose to misunderstand me — “let them”. If they don’t show up the way I had hoped — “let them”. If they decide to walk away — “let them”. 

 It’s wasn’t about agreeing with their behaviour or pretending it didn’t hurt me. It’s about accepting what we can’t control and allowing ourselves the freedom to stop carrying other people’s choices around like a burden. 

Here is the truth I keep coming back to: everything takes time. Forgiveness isn’t a single decision where suddenly the pain disappears. It’s a slow unfolding, a process of softening. Some days it feels easier, and other days old feelings resurface. That’s normal. Forgiveness isn’t about perfection — it’s about progress. 

Science shows us why this matters. Holding onto anger or regret means that our brain’s alarm system, the amygdala, stays on high alert. Stress hormones flood our body, affecting sleep, blood pressure, even our immune response. However when we forgive, brain scans show a shift toward areas linked to empathy and calm. Forgiveness literally rewires us for peace. 

For me, learning to “let them” and practicing forgiveness has opened up something unexpected: space for joy. Not the big, sweeping kind, but the small, everyday moments we often miss when we’re caught up in resentment — a delicious warm coffee in the morning, a refreshing walk in nature, laughing with someone I love. Forgiveness makes these moments easier to notice, easier to feel. 

Forgiving ourselves 

The “Let Them” theory also taught me something about self-forgiveness. Sometimes we need to let ourselves have been human. We have all made choices we’d do differently now. Hindsight is 20/20. Now instead of replaying my choices with shame, forgiveness lets me acknowledge that I did my best with what I knew at the time. Giving me a chance to grow, instead of staying stuck. 

 How to calm yourself when it’s hard 

Forgiveness doesn’t mean you’ll never feel hurt again. But when those feelings rise, you can steady yourself: 

• Take slow, deep breaths to calm the body. 

• Ground yourself in the present — notice what you can see, hear, and touch. 

• Name the feeling — “I feel hurt,” “I feel disappointed.” 

• Remind yourself gently: let them, let it go, let me choose peace. 

Forgiveness is not about rewriting the past. It’s about giving ourself permission to live more fully in the present — lighter, calmer, and open to the small joys that make life worth living.